Someone Like Me [ShizuoxReader] Chapter 20

Chapter 20 – Conversation Heart

www.zippcast.com/video/0b372f8…

You wake up in the morning feeling refreshed despite the wet April weather outside. When you gaze out of your window through the rain, you mull over what the day has in store for you and you’re confident that all will be well.

Your phone vibrates as it receives a text. “Hmm? Oh, it’s from Shizuo!”

Good morning. It reads. I hope you are doing ok and I look forward to dinner tonight. I’ll meet you outside after you get off work. Later.

“Mmmm.~” You hum happily to yourself. “Yeah, today will be just fine.”

~~~~

When your shift is over at the store, Shizuo meets you outside. The two of you are grateful that the rain stopped for the day and that it left the air cool and fresh. After a short walk to the restaurant, you sit down and have a nice date together; although, you could tell something was on Shizuo’s mind. When the dinner is over, you walk out together and are hit with the cool air of the night.

“Oooohh. It’s a tad chilly isn’t it?” you say to Shizuo as you exaggerate your shivering.

“Yeah, a little bit.” he replies while looking off into the distance.

Concerned, you nearly say something, when Shizuo continues. “Hey, uh... What is it you want to talk about?”

That’s why he was so on edge during dinner, he’s been worried. I feel kind of bad for making him wait, but I guess now’s my chance…

“Ah... Right.” you begin to say as you think for a moment. “How about we go someplace a little less busy, shall we?”

www.youtube.com/watch?v=TW8s7n…

Shizuo agrees and you both walk for a few moments in silence until you come to an empty walking bridge. A single streetlamp illuminates where you stand and there is no one around except for those far below you. You become nervous about not knowing where to start, so you lean over the railing and watch the people under the bridge. Shizuo can tell that something is wrong; concerned, he rests on the railing beside you.

While you gather your thoughts, Shizuo watches you with a worrisome look. He leans closer and says quietly, “If something is bothering you, you can tell me. Okay?” He gently kisses your head.

“Yeah, I know.” You reply rather sullenly. “And, there is something bothering me.”

You proceed to tell Shizuo how you’ve been feeling about the explosive contact he and Izaya constantly have and how it has been affecting you emotionally. As you speak, Shizuo begins to look out over the bridge trying to intently listen to your heartbroken words, which breaks his own heart.

“Shizuo, look. I understand why you are upset with Izaya, I really do, but this isn’t healthy. All that stress and anger... It’s a horrible thing to hold on to. I really think you should try to forgive Izaya so you can move on.”

After minutes of not looking at you as he listened, Shizuo turns to face you suddenly. “Forgive him? What the hell for!?” He sighs and positions himself back to facing forward. “That bastard set me up and also tried to ruin our relationship. He’s nothing but garbage poisoning everything around him...”

With your love for Izaya, those words cut in multiple ways. While you hate to hear the man you love most badmouthing your friend, you also know that he’s not far from the truth.

*sigh* “I know what you’re talking about, but honestly it will help.” You try to find the right words before asking, “...Shizuo, do you know what forgiveness really is?”

Shizuo huffs and answers in an irritated manner, “Isn’t that when you forget about something bad someone’s done to you and just don’t worry about it anymore? Well, for your information, I can’t do that.”

“You’re wrong.”

“Huh?” A look of confusion comes across Shizuo’s face as he turns to you.

You continue, “That isn’t exactly what forgiveness is. When you forgive someone, you don’t forget what that person has done to you. It is somewhat hard to describe, but it is best put like this: ‘To forgive someone is to accept the fact that you will never receive an apology from someone who did you wrong, you acknowledge what they did, and pardon them for it anyway.”

Shizuo tries to understand what you just attempted to explain. “So in short, I have to accept that he’s a jerk that’ll never say sorry.”

“Ehhh, almost. Once you recall the times he wronged you, you need to face them. After that comes the hardest part. You say to yourself: ‘This person wronged me, I will never get an apology, and that’s okay because I don’t want to be bound to the pain.’” You pause for a moment and glance at Shizuo who’s following along keenly. “...I’d like to ask you, when you think about Izaya, how do you feel? How does your heart feel?”

“My heart?...” Shizuo thinks for a moment before replying. “I guess I would have to say heavy. That’s the best way to describe it. I get angry. It...hurts.” As he spoke, he realized how he was truly feeling whenever he was around Izaya.

“That sounds about right. See, the reason I want you to forgive him is so you can free yourself.”

“Free myself? From what?”

“Those emotions: The hatred, heartbreak, bitterness, sorrow.... The chains of your heart. When you forgive someone, you become free from those negative emotions. They won’t bother you anymore and you’ll find relief. You’ll feel like a new person.” Your voice becomes quieter as you think more deeply. “It’s an extremely difficult road, I promise you. ...I should know, I’ve been hurt by enough people that I’ve had to forgive and it’s never easy. But when it’s over… You can finally be free and move on.”

www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UnoqZ…  

Shizuo had been intently listening to your every word, absorbing it all, but then he caught something in the last thing you said. “Hmm? Wait. You’ve been through this before? I thought you couldn’t remember anything?”

 “Oh, yes...” You look again over the people below you. “I haven’t told anyone this, but...I have actually regained most of my memories. Ever since I woke up in the hospital, I have been meditating every single day to retrieve my lost thoughts. I can remember almost everything, except for my memories from the past 10 years... I’ve tried to close that gap, but I can’t seem to.”

“I see...” is all Shizuo can manage to say at the moment. Then he continues, “But I’m glad you’ve been able to remember a lot. ...It’s just a shame you’ve had to remember all of the painful experiences too.”

“It’s okay, because that’s the stuff that makes us grow.” You smile softly at Shizuo, but he can tell that smile is currently hiding a lot of heartache. He slowly gets up and gently hugs you, surrounding your body with his tender warmth and love. While caressing your head with his hand, he lays his head on your own. Your tears begin to lightly saturate his clothes.

After a few minutes, you separate enough to look into each other’s eyes. “Shizuo,” you faintly begin, “you know I love you and would do anything for you. I just want to help. …I want you to thrive, not just survive…”* You say quietly as you snuggle back into his chest, whispering that last sentence to yourself.

“I know...” He says as he embraces you once more.

After a few more minutes in each other’s arms, you finally let go. “Hey, Shizuo? I’m kinda tired. Would it be okay if I turned in for the night?” you say before yawning.

“Of course,” Shizuo begins quietly, “I’ll walk you home.”

“Thank you. Oh! Before I forget...” You turn and rustle in your bag, taking out a small black book. “I’d like you to have this. Trying to forgive someone is difficult and you’re going to need help. This will have what you need, but if you need anything else, you can still come to me.” You say with a reassuring smile.

You hand the book to Shizuo, who takes it from you and puts it away. “Thanks.” Shizuo thinks for a moment before continuing, “I appreciate what you’re trying to do for me, I know you just want to help. I’ll look into it. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

~~~~

Shizuo walks you back to your apartment a few minutes away. The two of you say goodnight and end the evening with a small kiss. You begin to walk up to your door when you suddenly stop.

“Oh, yes.” You say to yourself before turning back to Shizuo. “There’s one more thing I would like to mention, Shizuo: You can have forgiveness, but you don’t have to have reconciliation.” You look at Shizuo, reassuring him. “...Goodnight.”

You turn back up the stairs and disappear behind your door, leaving Shizuo with his thoughts. He takes out the book you gave him and gazes at it. “Forgive Izaya, huh?” Shizuo returns the book to its place and glances back toward your door before heading home. “Well...we’ll see what happens.”